To the girl I might be sharing my man with


Dear you,

I know it may seem unfair of me to blame just you for my guys dog like behavior( not the loyal kind of course) . After all, I realize it takes two to tango and that both of you are at fault. But you know what, it gives me a perversive kind of joy to hurl my anger like a giant fireball of hate (metaphorically speaking, of course) directly at your face.

BUT after an angry separation , much soul searching, and a bittersweet reunion with my pre-relationship jeans, I decided to work on my anger issues.
Maybe we have met, maybe in the supermarket as I was buying that bowl of ice-cream to go drown my sorrows in while you were shopping for a new lingerie to go showcase your prowess in. Maybe it was at the chemist when you looked with bewilderment at how many aspirins one could take, as you waited in line so that everyone could clear the line so that you could pop those P2s like peanuts.
Or maybe you even know me, maybe you are the one who was constantly on my case testifying against my man on how much of a stray he is, passing judgement on how if he was your man you could have kicked his ass to the cab like yesterday. Joke on me right??!
Maybe you are the reason why his phone is more guarded than the Cbk or why he works for NASA nowadays, constantly needing space.
Here I was, trying to build a future with him, through thick and thin and constantly, more than enough times, overlooking the fact and the possibility that you actually existed, cause you know I was the girl who was tired of being alone and just wanted to let go of her insecurities.
And you may fool your self and I hope it actually uplifts your thoroughly battered self esteem that he left me for you but you are wrong, he came rushing to you cause you were easy and your small mind couldn’t see through his schemes and lies, so u built an illusion that he could be in love with you.

Piece of unsolicited advice, if you are so unhappy with your life, put on your big girl panties and go deal with it instead of meddling in other people’s relationships.
Truth is maybe you are the thing that excites him right now, but he gets excited a lot, like really a lot and after all that hullabaloo fades, say two weeks, he will come rushing back to me.
If you know anything about karma you would know that this is gonna come biting on your ass.
Maybe some day you will manage to find some to convince that you are worth of their trust and you will want to settle down, and maybe after few months into it, your guy will stray too and you will realize that if only you had the patience to wait for your own man, you couldn’t be crying over sad Google quotes and secretly stalking my profile to see how good my life is.
For now you can enjoy the attention and adulation. But remember girl, you just played yourself.



Letter to my daughter


Dear darling,
Reading this means your nosy little self found mama’s blog and you realize that I thought about you even before you were born.

If you take anything from this, I hope you learn to be confident in your own skin, accepting of your imperfections because they are what make you unique. I hope to be vulnerable and make connections but never risk your own happiness at the expense of another. I hope you learn that this journey is going to get rough, but the highs overcompensate for those times; they are the moments I ask you to hold onto, close to you, because when the hard times come, these will be your light out of the tunnel.

The darkness passes, and while you continue on, I hope you learn that you were meticulously created for greatness; everything you touch turns to gold. Never let anything- no man or woman, no time, no fear- stand in the way of your dreaming because you will lose focus. You will wake up filled with regret and excuses in your pocket. Don’t let life pass you by.

If you take anything from this, I hope you learn that happiness does not come from these accomplishments, high moments, connections or persons . It all goes back to the beginning… I hope you learn to fall in love with yourself wholeheartedly, to really appreciate all that you are and have been blessed with, to know that there will never be anyone else who shines like you. I hope the one who steals your heart will be there when it solidifies. I hope you learn to kneel before God only then can you stand before men. Above all I hope you never forget this.

Love you forever
Future mum.

A beautiful vow ~


Had to make this immortal… :):). Patient is the man who will have to stand through a 13min vow 😄 if you didn’t want to be patient we would have eloped 😂😂

Einstein ~imagination is far greater than knowledge

Yes I believed I will be content with whatever the will of God is but He choose to find somebody who was strange enough willing to deal with me.
Did you know that I am not her and I partially agreed to the wait because I never believed you existed in the first place but in the slight rare possibility that you did, you would definitely not want me because am not her…i choke on soft words like want and need…I hate flowers and red boxes of unpredictable strangely textured chocolates…balloons that take months to die… everything…the valentines day.
Am sorry, to me the note book and pretty woman were just ok. I was the one the fairies told you to stay away from. I was never Cinderella I was the evil step mother..never the princess I was the fire breathing dragon. I was Ursla the wicked witch of the west and yet u still chose to knock on the door of this castle, my heart, unaware of the indivisible fortress built due to much more experienced pain that it sting. Unknown to you there were six more doors you would have to go through before you had a glimpse of me.
I was still wounded. Conditioned to live with a knife lodged in btwn my 4th and 5th intercoastal merging with my collapsed lung so I never left due to you being at my comfort zone and shortness of breathe. My first love cheated on me, visiting me on holidays with beautifully wrapped gifts of empty promises tied with bows the color of wishful thinking  and then leaving me. I got nervous when you got to door six but surely when You saw the auction of art on the wall that no one wanted… redescribing each and every of my wounds… You see the ugliness of pain that I am not the beauty you thought me to be. So confidently as I did every morning, after taking off poetry and music and talents and great things al just think of me cz they are just Johns Legends and can’t see all of me. I  stepped outside to bask in the sun, he is the one that knows me he loves me, he has the ability to foresee but he loves me.
I stepped outside my comfort zone only to find you sitting on the cold door of my heart. I was terrified cz nobody has ever gotten this close. But all u wanted to show me is that we shared the same old wounds. There were no butterflies just discomfort which is uncomfortable for someone acquitted with pain more than love. I was a relentless storm. I guess those other men were made of straw and hay because I huffed and buffed but your spirit couldn’t go down.
Why cldnt I admit that your hand at the back of my neck calmed me instead I accused u of trying to control me. My heart became a defiant teenager and chose to listen to u instead of me. After getting tired of fighting my mind, I decided to give it a try just to prove to you that you too would leave and just like a seed that dies far before petals and stem and leaves.
My trusting heart had been attacked and I didn’t know the difference between accepting abuse and being the peace maker. I was left with a pacemaker and with an abnormal rhythm nobody wanted me.
I lost my footing and I kept asking who are you, by climbing the Mt Everest of your mind , I attempted to hike a little higher to get a peak of your soul and I lost my footing on my trail.. That’s where I fell…in love… Sky diving in the wings of your patience but this love is too much.
Smothering volcano erupted on my arrival burning the pain of my past.
Stand close let me inhale your exhale..
Stay close even when I punch you with my words…
Stay close even when I cut u with my fears
Look into my chilling eyes and remember ..look at my bleeding lips and remember..look into my chilling eyes and remember I fell for you.
All I can do is thank God and your mother for raising a man I never believe existed . And at times I will fail you…i will fall short..but in failures and shortcomings I wont tap out I wont give up.
I promise not to attribute to u glory that belongs only to God. To u and only u I commit with an attitude…of Christ Jesus. He loved me enough to give me u.
So to u I vow my last breath

Sparks of insanity


Delving deeper into the unknown
Like a confused mindless clone
My fate in the stars already drawn
A happy ending prematurely withdrawn
I was a trophy to him, pretty for other people’s eyes
And he nothing but a consolation price
If you love them set them free thing kinda backfired
I dunno what transpired
I hadn’t even taken him to all the places I ruin relationships from
After the encounter
Cupid could use me for target practice and I wouldn’t feel a thing

Walking in the dark without a purpose
Lost in misery with just a broken compass
I was really never this insane
Except on occasions when my heart was touched
Broken heart made me inhumane
Now I just suffocate feelings that want to come up for air

How much air do I need to breathe
When the tide of your love rushes in
Too much desire
Consuming like a fire
Ignite once again this spark of insanity
Sparks leads to a fire
Fire is what keeps us alive

I want a little than a complicated past
I want a love that will last
I don’t think I need a substitute
When you the only love that changes me
The reason I love you is something you can’t see in the mirror
Find me a new brain
This one is insane
Voices tell me you are the one, one
After having met the crazy one, the weird one, the one I wasn’t even sure was a guy one,
Maybe these are just sparks of insanity..

The ideal Man.


What does your ideal man look like? Now this has been a question i have been asked countless times… and for a girl who always has answers for almost all questions including those not yet asked, it’s amazing how this question always finds me off guard and my escapist answer is always “am not sure..!”
once in a while, I actually escape but when you find the persistent type… Then that’s when I literally switch careers and become a chef… Cook up some tall dark and handsome kind of guy… Throw in God fearing kind of thing… but i know you want to know right? so here it is

I must admit, this was inspired by  blog that i read! C’mon for a 21 year old who thinks her big day will be graduation and probably receiving my first six figured or more cheque… U wouldn’t expect much.. Ryt?

can i just skip this talk and someone b’s a darling and give me pointers to the husband material store where I can get me 100 meters of the so called material ?
I’m not sure my type of man exists… yeah! he can’t possibly exist. At least, not the kind of man that was in my 16yr old mind… back then… i wanted a man who is tall, fair, rich, God fearing, has a six pack, would be at my every beck and call, didn’t smoke or drink and probably looked something like William Levy. (now how realistic is that?.)
But hey! you can’t blame a sister! my 16yr old mind could only handle so much. Which reminds me someone should sue Disney for making little girls believe in some prince charming…

so i turned 18.
and i often thought to myself…… “okay!…. i want a man who would make me laugh, who is tall, dark or fair, someone who i could get along with one who wouldn’t break my heart and was ultimately God fearing”.

Highly probable!

Then i turned 21
And my eyes were fully opened to the unjust world i live in… i lived in a society where somehow, women were seen as second best, where i’d question why my sister couldn’t be as mean as her husband had been to her, where, so called career women were to some extent, victimized because they wanted to live their lives differently…. and not only were they victimized by men but even women from earlier generations who keep saying stuff like…. ei! as a woman you need to do this…. and you need to do that…. or your husband would leave you!…… (i was shocked)….so i PAUSED!

wait a minute!….. when did women take a step back and men a step forward?
weren’t these the same guys we sat in class with who pulled our hair and wrote us love letters?
what made them feel so superior to us over the years?

When did their EGO grow so big, that it will take a woman years of her life just trying to stroke it?
At 21, i felt disappointed in the kind of man the world had to offer.

Now i’m older,
probably not any different from the girl i was at 16… but this is what i know for certain.

1. I need an understanding man. One who would understand my career choice and realize that i cannot be a typical woman, who will sit idle in wait for her man to bring home the bread. WE will work together to make OUR lives better

2. I need a patient man. Am a complex creature to just say but the least… I can love and hate you at the same time but fact is you should love me regardless… Wait as I try to change 50 times cz I can’t find the perfect top.. Assure me that I still look okay in those oversized pajamas that I sleep in and my hair just looks even better when messy.

3. I need a man who would be willing to understand that WE are partners in this thing called LIFE! When we are a pair… we’ve got a double chance of making it.

4. I need a man who would respect my point of view, and consider it before taking decisions that would affect OUR lives! Am a control freak and falling in love with you means av made a sacrifice…. Av given up control and av agreed to power sharing so I need someone who would trust me enough to help in decision making.

5. I need a man who would not be selfish in his ways, and throw his weight about just because he’s a man!… i need a man to pitch in and help when he realizes i’m breaking my back trying to make things look sane at home.

6. I need a man who believes in the existence of God. One who will go down on his knees with me when there’s a problem. Cz anyone who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anyone.

7. i need a man who is thoughtful. Who will challenge my intelligence.. Someone who will teach me new things and be patient enough to learn.

8.A man who listens,  a best friend. Be it am complaining bout that polish that didn’t just come out right… Or the building that almost fell on my head… Even if you can’t listen count sheep and continously nod in agreement… Al feel special 🙂

9. A man who isn’t romantically challenged cz trust me I can be at times. Someone who will teach me real love. Someone who feels they are lucky to have me as I feel about them. Someone who will make me question if I want to be with them always or forever… Or just always and forever  🙂

10. Above all a faithful man cz for sure al be faithful too… It’s already hard to find someone I like… Imagine looking for two… And as it’s said a beautiful woman and a handsome man will make a beautiful wedding.. But a faithful man and a prayerful woman will make a successful marriage.

So what does my dream man get in return?
– a life of peace and pleasure
– a life filled with love and support of a strong-hearted woman who will be BY HIS SIDE! Ride with him and never Park.
– ME

My needs might be a lot but I pray that God might give me what I deserve.



Falling in love seemed like a delusion,
A disease with no solution
I shook my head at people’s confusion
There is nothing like love, just infatuation
The idea of soul mates seemed like  a mere superstition
Not intended for mortals but sounded pretty in a poetry book.
Then, I met you, and you changed my outlook
The cynic has now become converted,
The sceptic, an ardent zealot.

Av got a thing for people with one foot at the door
So understand why now av got this cold castle, my heart locked
Bridge my windows and access my soul
Imprison my heart let me be your soul mate
If loving me is a crime then I shall  share with you the life sentence
If you get convicted.. I shall be your cell mate.
Let’s stop fighting the feelings we have
I agree on a stale mate
For if I win I might just lose you

Gaze into my eyes
For that’s where the truth lies
I promise to take off my mask…
Uncover the disguise
It’s no easy task
But please try.
Dig deeper see my soul through its window panes
Pierce past the woman of steel, find Mr. pain
Av been married to him for soo long
I have grown to love him
He has been faithful
I could rely on our past history that he would show
But now am ready to break my vow
For av found my soul
And you, my perfect mate
So gaze into these two windows of my soul
Let your soul meet my soul
Lemme be your soul mate.

I know I ain’t perfect
Not even close
But let your eyes lead you to where the truth lies
Learn to love my imperfect soul perfectly
Tailor perfection out of the complex fabric of the human being I am.
I come with no specific instructions .
I vary with the strength of your ability to see,
The measure of your selective blindness,
The limits of your desire
And the lengths to which you are willing to fall before I can catch you… Then maybe we might just learn to fly.

7 Toxic kind of girls to avoid

Yeah friendship is kind of a gift and all but these ones, u gotta ask for a return address. You can thank me later 😄😄


The competitive girl
Girl might have more degrees than a thermometer but still wants to get that certificate in house cleaning that you are training for at home. She’s the one who screamed at you (and consequently defriended you) for purchasing a similar birthday cake to hers. In fact, the police caught her just as she was about to set fire to the bakery, which she also held responsible .

Miss perfect
Before you anoint her for sainthood let’s get the facts straight. Nothing done.. except her way is good enough. She has no fault in fact being friends with you is a favor to you.. You know, helping your imperfect soul gain entrance into the world of perfectionists . Dragging your self esteem and worth through the mud is just part of the collateral damage as she forges towards the greater good.

Miss Mia
She will drop you like a plank of wood once something,or someone better comes along…she will conveniently text you for the first time in weeks on how those new Christian Louboutin boots you burned your life savings on, would go perfect with her new dress. You will always relegate from friends to last resort.

Madam Calculator
Nothing adds up to her. You will be willing to sink to any depths for her and she will be having a great view of it all from her holier than thou pulpit. Analyzing and calculating your every move.. No sacrifice would be enough for her… you would literally walk on oceans for her but she would be convinced it’s cz u couldn’t swim or you walked a pace slower than Mr tortoise. To her work done simply doesn’t add up to the force applied, multiplied by the distance covered. Darl.. if u are going to walk around beating yourself up cz your old buddy can’t seem to climb off her pulpit then, you two probably deserve each other.

Barbaric Barbie
These one need to be told that after the 800th picture, one doesn’t get any prettier.The kind you want to dispense a couple of boils to her face so that they could spend little time obsessing over the little scratch on her face. Too bad they don’t sell Biblical plagues on Jumia.. Smh….but someone should really tell this girl you can’t gain an extra kilo if you one day swallow your pride and just listen to your friends real issues for once… Deciding between a mac and Lancome lipstick doesn’t cut as a life threatening crisis.

Eva Lunatic
Leaves u at the street cz the alcohol in her system getting to a dangerously normal levels. This one has a special talent for pouting for mugshots and probably has all the bouncers in town on her speed dial. You spend three quarters of your pocket money on bailing her out and dashing to the pharmacy for aspirins. Maybe it’s high time you jolt down a prescription for yourself and cure yourself off this toxic relationship.

Dee vampire
LITERALLY suck the life out of you. When you visit.. you leave feeling like you have just drunk from the cup of life only to find a dead Beetle at the bottom of it. This girl whine about anything and everything.. From how unfair the world is to why the earth is spherical and not round. She will drain the energy out of you and make you depressed on their behalf. She uses you as a punching bag to get rid of that which is weighing her down not knowing she is leaving you scard. One simple piece of advice… Make them bite the dust.